We got married in July, 2008. We already knew that children were in our plans so we decided that we would start a family after our delayed honeymoon in the winter. The month finally arrived and I stopped birth control, both of us naively expecting to be pregnant soon after.
By the 6th month of trying, we were getting discouraged. We were trying everything we could think of. You know all of those myths that people toss around? Tried them all. It is actually kind of funny to think back now to everything we tried and only a person who has walked the path of infertility can truly appreciate the humour in it. By the 10th month, I had been charting my cycles and knew deep in my heart that something just wasn't "right". So, I paid a visit to my doctor.
Before a referral can be sent to a fertility clinic without prior medical diagnosis, most couples are told to try on their own for a year. We were two cycles short of that, but I convinced my doctor to conduct some basic testing on us. As I had suspected, there was indeed something wrong. He immediately sent a referral for us, and the journey through infertility officially began.
We saw a specialist at the IWK Health Centre. She ordered even more testing for both of us and sent us on our way. We were still waiting on an official diagnosis so we continued trying on our own in hopes that we'd be able to cancel our next appointment.
On my 28th birthday, we went to the appointment together. We were anxious, scared and excited that we might finally have an answer. We were now into our 13th month of trying, and were more than ready to be parents.
We sat down and without wasting any time the doctor went over our results. My tests looked normal, but we were diagnosed with Male Factor Infertility (I won't get into the specifics publicly for personal reasons). Then she said words that are burned into my memory. "I'm sorry. Based on these results, the only way that you will ever be parents is through adoption or in-vitro fertilization."
I remember feeling like the world had suddenly fallen all around me. All that I had ever wanted was to be a mother. I knew that we could be good parents. We had so much love waiting for a child...so why us?
We left with genetic testing to complete for my husband and a lot to think about. We spent the next several months waiting and researching our options. We both felt very strongly that we wanted a genetic child, so IVF was the one we went with. We couldn't proceed until we had the genetic results back to evaluate risk to the possible baby, and we had a lot of money to save.
We booked another appointment in August to go over our results. We had been waiting since February and had reached the breaking point for waiting. We sat in the office for over an hour while our doctor chased down the results that had been delayed because of a back log at the lab and then the proper consent not being sent by the blood collection lab. She finally got a partial result. We were cleared to start IVF whenever we wanted while we waited for the rest of the tests to be written up and received.
And so, we began the next step in our journey.
Monday, 4 February 2013
Sunday, 3 February 2013
Adjustments in life and in my blog
I've been taking some time away from my blog to decide how I want to approach it, and to evaluate some other things in my life that have become a focus for me lately. So, welcome back. I'm not changing my whole approach, just the things that I focus on. I want to have a place that I can not only discuss the things that are going on in my life, but also to talk about crafts and maybe even share bits and pieces of my writing as I feel the need to share a bit.
We had a consultation with AART again about using our one remaining frozen embryo to try to grow our family. With only a 50% chance that it will even survive thawing and expand properly for transfer, we know that we may be looking at another fresh IVF cycle. As I said in my previous entry about infertility, it is costly. For Canadians, paying for health care like that is really not something we are used to. We aren't quite ready to try again, but when you are dealing with fertility treatments you have to plan in advance since there is testing to be done and costs to consider.
So, I've been trying to think of things that I can do to help with the costs that we will be facing. I've spent far too much time online looking for crafts that I can do. I absolutely love crochet, but it is very time consuming. With a little boy who has just started walking at 10 months of age and knowing that my maternity leave is very quickly coming to an end, I had to find something else that I would be able to accomplish more with in the little time I would have.
I've come across a number of things that fit the bill. I think it may be time to decide on a few smaller areas of focus and go with those. I know that custom birth announcements will be one of the things that I do. I also know that I'll be making some crafts that can be used around the house. I've been looking at a number of quotes and ideas that I can use for word art, and I'm really enjoying some of the ideas that I have come across.
I'll be starting to talk about my projects as I get into them more. Right now, I'm trying to get the house clean again so that the little man will have a safer, larger space to roam.
Tomorrow my husband starts his new job too, which is also going to be a life adjustment for me. I'll be the first to admit that I've been spoiled by the past 5 months having him home with me. It is going to be just me and the little man and since he is into everything, it will take some adjusting for me. I'm happy that we will be back on our feet soon and can really start enjoying what we have now without worry and can start looking forward to what is to come for us.
We had a consultation with AART again about using our one remaining frozen embryo to try to grow our family. With only a 50% chance that it will even survive thawing and expand properly for transfer, we know that we may be looking at another fresh IVF cycle. As I said in my previous entry about infertility, it is costly. For Canadians, paying for health care like that is really not something we are used to. We aren't quite ready to try again, but when you are dealing with fertility treatments you have to plan in advance since there is testing to be done and costs to consider.
So, I've been trying to think of things that I can do to help with the costs that we will be facing. I've spent far too much time online looking for crafts that I can do. I absolutely love crochet, but it is very time consuming. With a little boy who has just started walking at 10 months of age and knowing that my maternity leave is very quickly coming to an end, I had to find something else that I would be able to accomplish more with in the little time I would have.
I've come across a number of things that fit the bill. I think it may be time to decide on a few smaller areas of focus and go with those. I know that custom birth announcements will be one of the things that I do. I also know that I'll be making some crafts that can be used around the house. I've been looking at a number of quotes and ideas that I can use for word art, and I'm really enjoying some of the ideas that I have come across.
I'll be starting to talk about my projects as I get into them more. Right now, I'm trying to get the house clean again so that the little man will have a safer, larger space to roam.
Tomorrow my husband starts his new job too, which is also going to be a life adjustment for me. I'll be the first to admit that I've been spoiled by the past 5 months having him home with me. It is going to be just me and the little man and since he is into everything, it will take some adjusting for me. I'm happy that we will be back on our feet soon and can really start enjoying what we have now without worry and can start looking forward to what is to come for us.
A Little Information on Infertility in Nova Scotia
I've come to realize over the past several years that as common as it is, Infertility is rarely talked about. Approximately 1 in 6 couples will suffer difficulty when trying to conceive. We come from all walks of life. Infertility doesn't discriminate.
The causes of infertility are far too numerous to list. Female disorders include ovulatory disorders, uterine disorders, tubal disorders, recurrent miscarriage and hormonal disorders. Male disorders can include abnormal count and quality of sperm, erectile disfunction, physical abnormalities of the reproductive system and hormonal disorders. Same sex couples and single parents are also considered infertile now since they must seek assistance from an outside source to conceive. Then there is the world of unexplained infertility in which all tests show that both partners have "normal" fertility, but for some reason they are unable to conceive.
Treatments for infertility range from diet and exercise control right through to surgery and In-Vitro fertilization. Between the two there is a whole range of treatments, and very often the treatment will combine two or more treatments for one couple. An example would be In-Vitro using a Gestational Carrier. The ova retrieved are grown and harvested from the biological mother, but the fertilized embryo(s) are transferred to a second woman who has volunteered to carry a pregnancy that may result to term and relinquish any and all rights to the child. This is a very emotional process which is so deeply affected by legal and ethical rules that it is one of the more rare treatments here in Nova Scotia.
The fact that these treatments are costly. Very costly. Not only that, they aren't guaranteed to work. Depending on what medications are needed, a couple can spend up to $15,000.00 or more on a single round of IVF. Rarely medical plans can help with the cost of medications, but there is no help with the cost of the treatments themselves for a majority of families (military families can sometimes get assistance and very rarely employer medical plans will help by reimbursing a portion.) All of the medical costs are able to be claimed at income tax time, but you only get back a small amount of what you actually spend.
For us to see our doctor at Atlantic Assisted Reproductive Therapies (AART) it was $165.00 for our initial visit and we have to pay $75.00 for each repeat visit we make with the exception of the treatment related visits during an active cycle. The treatment cost alone for a cycle of IVF is currently $5750.00. Add to that the ICSI procedure that we have to have performed (more to come on that during another entry) which is $1500.00 and we are at $7250.00 right there. Then there is testing to be done before a cycle, an administrative fee, and medications and we are well over $10,000.00 from our own pocket for a single cycle (and I tend to need one of the lowest medication dosages).
The process is grueling. It is not only financially difficult, but it is emotionally exhausting, physically uncomfortable (and sometimes just plain painful) and mentally draining. Every step of the journey is an emotional roller coaster.
But it is worth it. Every single tear you cry, every dollar you spend and every test or procedure that you endure. The first time I held my son, I knew that I would gladly do it all over again to meet him. And we will. We plan on adding to our family in the future, and we really have no option other than to go through the process again. But I know that in the end, it will be worth it all over again.
The causes of infertility are far too numerous to list. Female disorders include ovulatory disorders, uterine disorders, tubal disorders, recurrent miscarriage and hormonal disorders. Male disorders can include abnormal count and quality of sperm, erectile disfunction, physical abnormalities of the reproductive system and hormonal disorders. Same sex couples and single parents are also considered infertile now since they must seek assistance from an outside source to conceive. Then there is the world of unexplained infertility in which all tests show that both partners have "normal" fertility, but for some reason they are unable to conceive.
Treatments for infertility range from diet and exercise control right through to surgery and In-Vitro fertilization. Between the two there is a whole range of treatments, and very often the treatment will combine two or more treatments for one couple. An example would be In-Vitro using a Gestational Carrier. The ova retrieved are grown and harvested from the biological mother, but the fertilized embryo(s) are transferred to a second woman who has volunteered to carry a pregnancy that may result to term and relinquish any and all rights to the child. This is a very emotional process which is so deeply affected by legal and ethical rules that it is one of the more rare treatments here in Nova Scotia.
The fact that these treatments are costly. Very costly. Not only that, they aren't guaranteed to work. Depending on what medications are needed, a couple can spend up to $15,000.00 or more on a single round of IVF. Rarely medical plans can help with the cost of medications, but there is no help with the cost of the treatments themselves for a majority of families (military families can sometimes get assistance and very rarely employer medical plans will help by reimbursing a portion.) All of the medical costs are able to be claimed at income tax time, but you only get back a small amount of what you actually spend.
For us to see our doctor at Atlantic Assisted Reproductive Therapies (AART) it was $165.00 for our initial visit and we have to pay $75.00 for each repeat visit we make with the exception of the treatment related visits during an active cycle. The treatment cost alone for a cycle of IVF is currently $5750.00. Add to that the ICSI procedure that we have to have performed (more to come on that during another entry) which is $1500.00 and we are at $7250.00 right there. Then there is testing to be done before a cycle, an administrative fee, and medications and we are well over $10,000.00 from our own pocket for a single cycle (and I tend to need one of the lowest medication dosages).
The process is grueling. It is not only financially difficult, but it is emotionally exhausting, physically uncomfortable (and sometimes just plain painful) and mentally draining. Every step of the journey is an emotional roller coaster.
But it is worth it. Every single tear you cry, every dollar you spend and every test or procedure that you endure. The first time I held my son, I knew that I would gladly do it all over again to meet him. And we will. We plan on adding to our family in the future, and we really have no option other than to go through the process again. But I know that in the end, it will be worth it all over again.
Monday, 14 January 2013
Resisting the Urge
So my biggest problem in my life is organization. I live in a constant state of chaos it feels, and becoming a mother has only made it worse. In addition to all of the clutter that hubby and I have accumulated over the years, we now have endless piles of baby clothes and toys to add to the already cluttered state that our home had become. I try my best to keep it "clean enough" but some days it feels that I can't catch a break. That being said, I wouldn't trade it for the world. L is my whole universe now and I just need to figure out how to work life around this new gravitational pull.
It seems that the organization aspect has spilled over to my crochet life and my writing life as well. I want to start selling some crochet pieces to help out with the cost of fertility treatments to add to our family. It is quite expensive, and here in Nova Scotia there is absolutely no coverage so we have to pay just to walk in the door of our specialist's office. The problem is, I have no idea what prices to charge, how to market my pieces at a rate that I can keep up with the orders, and I have a growing list of "gift" pieces that I want to start on or finish up. I have the drive to do it, but I just can't seem to find an appropriate time or order to approach it all.
Then there is my writing. I have done hours of research into what successful authors have done to approach their writing. I recognize the importance of developing your characters, plotting out your timeline, ensuring that your plot is consistent and complete, and generally planning the entire story before you even start. The problem is, I just want to write it. I've come to realize though that I need to do these things based on my four previous attempts that I deemed not good enough when I read them. I find myself confused by the storyline at certain points or I lose focus on what I was trying to say.
So, I'm resisting the urge. I'm trying to take each crochet project one at a time. I'm trying to write character sketches for at least six characters who will have a strong role in my story. I'm trying to map out a timeline and a plot line that are cohesive and concise since I'm trying to keep my story below 80,000 words. I'm also trying not to allow my day to end without spending at least a little time with my hook and my computer to pick away at the list of things that I want to get done.
Now I just need to master better time management and get the nap time and bedtime kinks worked out.
It seems that the organization aspect has spilled over to my crochet life and my writing life as well. I want to start selling some crochet pieces to help out with the cost of fertility treatments to add to our family. It is quite expensive, and here in Nova Scotia there is absolutely no coverage so we have to pay just to walk in the door of our specialist's office. The problem is, I have no idea what prices to charge, how to market my pieces at a rate that I can keep up with the orders, and I have a growing list of "gift" pieces that I want to start on or finish up. I have the drive to do it, but I just can't seem to find an appropriate time or order to approach it all.
Then there is my writing. I have done hours of research into what successful authors have done to approach their writing. I recognize the importance of developing your characters, plotting out your timeline, ensuring that your plot is consistent and complete, and generally planning the entire story before you even start. The problem is, I just want to write it. I've come to realize though that I need to do these things based on my four previous attempts that I deemed not good enough when I read them. I find myself confused by the storyline at certain points or I lose focus on what I was trying to say.
So, I'm resisting the urge. I'm trying to take each crochet project one at a time. I'm trying to write character sketches for at least six characters who will have a strong role in my story. I'm trying to map out a timeline and a plot line that are cohesive and concise since I'm trying to keep my story below 80,000 words. I'm also trying not to allow my day to end without spending at least a little time with my hook and my computer to pick away at the list of things that I want to get done.
Now I just need to master better time management and get the nap time and bedtime kinks worked out.
Sunday, 13 January 2013
The beginning of my writing revival
In December of 2010, I sat down at my computer and opened up a simple Word document. I was having a particularly sad day. My husband and I had been trying to start a family for nearly a year. We had recently found out that we did indeed have a medical cause for the delay, and we were in the process of initial testing through a Reproductive Endocrinologist. We were unsure what the future held, and to be honest we were struggling to stay strong as a couple at that point.
I had recently revived my love of reading that university had drained all of the fun from, so I was again focused on the escape that reading could provide. I used to write a lot in junior high, so I decided to see if I still had a love for it as well.
I sat at the computer and began to type. I hadn't planned anything. I had no character sketches, no plot summaries, not even a simple brainstorm on hand. I simply began to write. To my dismay, I had nearly twelve pages written within a few hours. I began to get excited about the story that had so suddenly formed in front of me. I continued to dapple with it, and those twelve pages grew to nearly one hundred fairly quickly.
I then did something that I regret doing. I shared with a few family and friends that I had begun writing. and then I shared it with even more people. Over the next few months as our testing progressed and we were given the heartbreaking news that we would need In-Vitro Fertilization to conceive a child, my passion for the writing began to dwindle. Writing had become less fun for me. It still allowed me to escape the hurt of infertility, but the fun was gone.
Thankfully, my husband and I made a decision that we would not allow infertility to destroy us. Instead, we would use it as a way to strengthen the bond and love that we shared. We vowed that we would fight...and that we would win in the end.
As our journey continued, I still wrote from time to time. Sadly though the story that I have grown to love is still unwritten. I have re-started it no less than four times now, my most recent being just this past week.
I've come to realize that while I have what I believe to be a good story to tell, my main protagonist was too perfect to allow the story to evolve the way that I have envisioned over the past two years. So, I have started fresh. Perhaps some day I will post a small portion of my story here, but for now I am going to keep my beautiful Aubrey and all of the love I have for her to myself. She will be my outlet as I take a few moments of down time in this exciting journey through motherhood, and will probably console me as I long for another child to add to the love in our family.
Perhaps I will get to share her with the world someday, or perhaps she will only be a personal achievement. The only way that I will ever get to find out though is by getting the story that has been so constant in my head out onto paper.
I had recently revived my love of reading that university had drained all of the fun from, so I was again focused on the escape that reading could provide. I used to write a lot in junior high, so I decided to see if I still had a love for it as well.
I sat at the computer and began to type. I hadn't planned anything. I had no character sketches, no plot summaries, not even a simple brainstorm on hand. I simply began to write. To my dismay, I had nearly twelve pages written within a few hours. I began to get excited about the story that had so suddenly formed in front of me. I continued to dapple with it, and those twelve pages grew to nearly one hundred fairly quickly.
I then did something that I regret doing. I shared with a few family and friends that I had begun writing. and then I shared it with even more people. Over the next few months as our testing progressed and we were given the heartbreaking news that we would need In-Vitro Fertilization to conceive a child, my passion for the writing began to dwindle. Writing had become less fun for me. It still allowed me to escape the hurt of infertility, but the fun was gone.
Thankfully, my husband and I made a decision that we would not allow infertility to destroy us. Instead, we would use it as a way to strengthen the bond and love that we shared. We vowed that we would fight...and that we would win in the end.
As our journey continued, I still wrote from time to time. Sadly though the story that I have grown to love is still unwritten. I have re-started it no less than four times now, my most recent being just this past week.
I've come to realize that while I have what I believe to be a good story to tell, my main protagonist was too perfect to allow the story to evolve the way that I have envisioned over the past two years. So, I have started fresh. Perhaps some day I will post a small portion of my story here, but for now I am going to keep my beautiful Aubrey and all of the love I have for her to myself. She will be my outlet as I take a few moments of down time in this exciting journey through motherhood, and will probably console me as I long for another child to add to the love in our family.
Perhaps I will get to share her with the world someday, or perhaps she will only be a personal achievement. The only way that I will ever get to find out though is by getting the story that has been so constant in my head out onto paper.
New to the World of Blogging
As a project for 2013, I've decided that it is time to try my hand at Blogging. I know several people who are active bloggers and I enjoy reading their posts immensely. So, it is my turn.
I'm not sure yet where this blog will take me. Crochet, reading, writing, our world of parenting and infertility...the possibilities are numerous. These are a few of the topics that I hold central in my life. I find that my thoughts become clearest when I write them out. Perhaps I can use this space to do that.
I'll add a disclaimer here and now that with regards to the topic of infertility, I tend to share openly. There may sometimes be what others consider to be too much information into the inner workings of fertility treatments. However, if my own experiences can help another couple who are struggling with the sting of infertility, than it is worth it to me.
Our son is the most amazing gift we have ever been given. He is the result of over two years of tears, testing and finally triumph during our struggle with infertility. We hope that someday soon we'll be able to add to our family, but for now we are savouring every day, every milestone and every moment with our In-Vitro Fertilization miracle.
I'm not sure yet where this blog will take me. Crochet, reading, writing, our world of parenting and infertility...the possibilities are numerous. These are a few of the topics that I hold central in my life. I find that my thoughts become clearest when I write them out. Perhaps I can use this space to do that.
I'll add a disclaimer here and now that with regards to the topic of infertility, I tend to share openly. There may sometimes be what others consider to be too much information into the inner workings of fertility treatments. However, if my own experiences can help another couple who are struggling with the sting of infertility, than it is worth it to me.
Our son is the most amazing gift we have ever been given. He is the result of over two years of tears, testing and finally triumph during our struggle with infertility. We hope that someday soon we'll be able to add to our family, but for now we are savouring every day, every milestone and every moment with our In-Vitro Fertilization miracle.
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